Long form of Obama birth certificate
released by the White House 27th April 2011
That faded playboy Donald Trump became the butt of more than a few jokes this month as he megaphoned those ridiculous old claims concerning U.S. President Barack Obama's birth certificate, which had been released to the media in short form during the 2008 presidential election and which was verified at the time by FactCheck.org.
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – A threat to the fledgling presidential campaign of Donald Trump emerged today, as a group of activists charged that Mr. Trump is not eligible to hold the nation’s highest office because his hair does not originate from the U.S.
The group, who call themselves “Balders,” claim that the hair-like substance that crowns Mr. Trump’s head is from a foreign country, which would mean that the candidate is less than one hundred percent American.
“Time and time again, Donald Trump has refused to produce a certificate of authenticity for his hair,” said Leeann Selwyn, a leading Balder. “This is tantamount to a comb-over of the truth.”
But if in fact Mr. Trump’s distinctive mane turns out to be of foreign origin, such a revelation need not be fatal to his presidential hopes, says Professor Davis Logsdon, who has studied the history of presidential hair at the University of Minnesota.
“Remember, several of our greatest early presidents, like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, had hair that originated elsewhere,” Mr. Logsdon says. “The only thing that could kill Trump politically is if his hair turns out to be from France.”
At a GOP event in Iowa, Mr. Trump made no reference to the Balders controversy, and instead sounded an upbeat theme: “If I am given the chance to do the same magic I did for NBC, America will be the number four country in the world.”
In a piece of good news for Mr. Trump, a new poll showed a majority of likely voters agreeing with the statement, “Donald Trump being sworn in as President would be a great last scene in a Planet of the Apes remake.”
Not content with making himself a laughing stock over Barack Obama's place of birth, the trolling Trump then went after the U.S. President's academic history.
NEW YORK (AP) — Real estate mogul Donald Trump suggested in an interview Monday that President Barack Obama had been a poor student who did not deserve to be admitted to the Ivy League universities he attended. Trump, who is mulling a bid for the Republican presidential nomination, offered no proof for his claim but said he would continue to press the matter as he has the legitimacy of the president's birth certificate."I heard he was a terrible student, terrible. How does a bad student go to Columbia and then to Harvard?" Trump said in an interview with The Associated Press. "I'm thinking about it, I'm certainly looking into it. Let him show his records."
After being shot down in flames on the birther question Trump tried to run the line that he forced the President to release his birth certificate, but in reality he joins those on the Birther Scorecard who fell to earth in flames and a somewhat embarrassed Jerome Corsi whose book has just been pwned by a president.
I look forward to the next Borowitz installment!
Of course those rightwing American nutters aren't making everyone laugh, as correspondence between the White House and Dept. of Health in Hawaii shows:
As does this MNSBC opinion piece accusing Trump of spewing racial hatred:
And that's the last word.