North Coast Voices: BOOM, BOOM! Boson joke of the year

Saturday, 7 July 2012

BOOM, BOOM! Boson joke of the year

So bad it’s funny…………………

A Higgs boson walks into a church.

We don't allow Higgs bosons in here!" shouts the priest.

"But without me, how can you have mass?" asks the particle.

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Moggy Musing

Hi! My name is Boy. I'm a male bi-coloured tabby cat. Ever since I discovered that Malcolm Turnbull's dogs were allowed to blog, I have been pestering Clarencegirl to allow me a small space on North Coast Voices.

A federal election musing: The cat pack met last night to discuss out two-legged servants and Minnie the Mooch from Maclean told us that she had heard that someone at Tweed Heads had given Matthew Fraser a new nickname; LNP Fraser the living conditions eraser. I snorted milk through my nose!

A stupified musing: We moggies love our catnip but even under the influence we know who makes the rules about our supply; the two-legged can openers. Not so the lovers of another 'herb': About 40 people have arrived outside Page MP Janelle Saffin's Lismore office to protest against cannabis laws and the jailing of a man for providing marijuana at Nimbin. The protesters marched from the Police Station and Court House to Ms Saffin's office calling for the release of "Tony Cleverman", otherwise known as Tony Bower. The protesters have said Mr Bower had been providing them with marijuana for medical purposes until he was arrested about a year ago. Ironically, neither the courts, nor the police, nor Janelle Saffin have much ability to influence cannabis laws, because the laws fall under the NSW Government's criminal code. *snigger*

A reading the DEX musing: On the second last day of April The Daily Examiner cheekily ran a rumour; Word on the street is it's never too late for a career change. One Valley man who either grew tired with politics or politics grew tired of him, will be starting a new life in, er, tyres. More on this in coming weeks. One local wag emailed North Coast Voices and asked; Will he specialise in retreads?!?

A Lawrence Reservoir musing: Following on the heels of bacterial contamination in the small Maclean Lookout reservoir and bacterial contamination in Minnie Waters’ town water supply; on April 16 Clarence Valley moggies had all heard a strong rumour doing the rounds that council management forgot to tell the contractor sandblasting paint off the Lawrence water reservoir that this paint was in fact lead-based. Consequently no special measures were taken and paint flakes and dust spread onto at least one neighbouring property leaving council with a hefty clean-up bill. The figure being bandied around is $100,000 and counting. That would buy a lot of cat food!

A moggies are boiling musing: I've been told that moggies all over the Lower Clarence are yowling at the top of their voices in sympathy, because The Daily Examiner put a billboard outside news agencies saying that Grafton Gets Its Voice. But when their humans opened the newspaper they were left speechless because the story was all about a couple who used to live in Maclean - a good 50km away from that presumptuous little upriver city.

A reading Teh Netz over her shoulder musing: I was amazed to see that if you search for tweets about Tony Abbott on Twitter - the only person saying nice things about Tony is Tony himself. This tweet from @spacekidette was my fav. Anyway, if God didn’t want Tony Abbott as a priest, why would I want him as my Prime Minister?” Elderly Lady Caller on Talkback Radio

A Terrible Tones musing: What 60 Minutesrevealed about the new and improved Tony Abbott: * He’s a crap surfer * He admits to using “product” in his hair and Margie let slip that he combs over the bald spot. * He is still telling pork pies - insisting that his extreme views about women were from “thirty-five years ago”. * He’s also still riding herd on Margie when she’s in front of the camera.

A when map makers go wrong musing: Even cats can count - we always know when the clock shows that it's dinner time! So why is it that the staff at one particular North Coast council created not one, but six proposed plans of the same section of an existing main road and recorded a different total road area on most of these plans.

A court musing: Now which magistrate said this about THAT protest? Never in the history of man has one small protest generated so much paperwork.

A naming ceremony musing: My little canine friend Veronica Lake tells me she overheard her human laughing about the fact that NSW Nationals Member for Clarence Chris Gulaptis has yet another nickname - The Missing MP.

A royal rage musing: Which member of Clarence Valley Council's management team is fast gaining a reputation for shouting down the phone first rather than giving any sort of answer to polite enquiries from local media?

A commercialism gone mad musing: On the third day of 2013 The Northern Star reported sighting Easter hot cross buns for sale. Is this a record and will chocolate eggs follow next week?

A pedestrian rages musing: Almost as a logical consequence of Clarence Valley Council management removing part of the Yamba Road Cycleway, there appears to have been an upswing in local pavement rage. I'm hearing that one older man refused to move for a cyclist using the same section of the so-called ‘shared’ footpath running alongside Yamba Road near the marina. Loud words ensued and a threat to go down to the police station to sort the matter out. Allegedly a push was also involved.

An Obeid-esque musing: Wags following the latest ICAC inquiry have renamed Mt. Penny near Bylong as the money mountain grows to $30 million. It's now being called Mt. Pennies.

A list keeps growing musing: Which council general manager on the NSW North Coast is now rumoured to to have specifically mentioned or implied the D word - defamation - to one local journalist, two regional editors and one pensioner? Rocky the Mutt tells me his hoomin would not be surprised to find that the next person to hear from the GM will still going to primary school.

A bad show musing: Which council general manager on the NSW North Coast is rumoured to have threatened a local journalist with a defamation action if he reported in-depth on the carriage of a planning matter currently before council?

A thought to ponder: In case of bushfire or flood - do you have an emergency evacuation plan for the family pet?

An adoption musing: Every week on the NSW North Coast a number of cats and dogs find themselves without a home. If you want to do your bit and give one bundle of joy a new family, contact Happy Paws on 0419 404 766 or your local council pound.

Boy's Email: catlives9z AT gmail.com

North Coast Voices

Saturday, 7 July 2012

BOOM, BOOM! Boson joke of the year

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