Wednesday, 13 January 2016

Last week Michael Pascoe started the 2016 political year off with his tongue-in-cheek and gave readers a good belly laugh

The Age newspaper along with Fairfax journalist & BusinessDay contributing editor Michael Pascoe deserve a hearty round of applause for this effort on New Year’s Day 2016, Crystal ball reveals 2016's highs and lows in business:

Senator Eric Abetz declares a Day of Shame over Tony Abbott not being named Australian of the Year. "Monckton warned me – it's the United Nations World Government again," the Tasmanian senator says.
At his first official function as Ambassador – an Australia Day barbie – Joe Hockey lauds the McDonald's all-day breakfast as the sort of innovation Australia needs. Embassy staff quietly ask guests not to tell him it's already available here.
After the year's first RBA board meeting, governor Stevens says "chilling out" is working well for the economy by reducing speculation. To assist, the RBA board will only meet quarterly.
The UN General Assembly declares thermal coal a hazardous substance. Environment Minister Greg Hunt says: "If coal's a hazard, all you have to do, to get rid of it, is burn the stuff."
The Bureau of Meteorology says 2016 is already on track to take 2015's Hottest Year Ever title.
Under instructions from Minister Hunt, BoM apologises to Alan Jones for using alarmist language and re-scales expectations for 2016 to perhaps be Least Coldest Year.
Missing person report is filed for Opposition Leader Bill Shorten.
ASIC and ATO jointly announce a royal commission into banking/finance/superannuation industry and promise a no-holds-barred crackdown on executive expenses rorting and multinational tax dodging.
The sharemarket plunges. An ASIC spokesperson asks why no journalist noticed the date on the release, April 1. "This was a perfect example of "if it's too good to be true, it probably isn't true".
After six months of holding his head with a slight tilt to the left, while smiling beneficently through media conferences, Prime Minister Turnbull experiments with a slight tilt to the right. "Innovation is what we're all about," he says.
RBA governor Stevens announces "chilling out" policy is being replaced by "hanging loose". RBA board meetings are to be bi-annual.
Treasurer Morrison's first budget solves spending and revenue problems by privatising and outsourcing e.g. ABC is to be sold to Foxtel, the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet to the IPA, the Health Department to a consortium of tobacco and drug companies, the Defence Department to Donald Trump; Centrelink clients will be auctioned off for body parts.
Tasmanian Senator Abetz declares Tony Abbott a genius. "The budget proves my leader is actually running the government from his hideout in the Brindabellas," he says. "Morrison is his puppet."
The Queensland government agrees to a take-or-pay contract with Adani in order to secure a Galilee Basin coal mine. Every Queenslander is to be guaranteed a monthly coal ration of 10 tonnes, delivered to their door.

Read predictions for the second half of the year here.

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