Laffing at #Führertuber Dutton......

 

 Deputy Sussan Ley & Liberal Party Leader Peter Dutton
Mark Knight

The Shot, 28 October 2024, excerpts:

34 thoughts I had while watching the Liberal Party conference

Ronnie Salt

To the ballroom of the Sydney Hyatt, (were you expecting West Wyalong?) where the Liberal Party’s 64th federal council conferencefestmeet is in full swing in June. I’m at home on a Sunday afternoon watching it back on Facebook and reading along with the comments from Brian and Raelene and Irene and Ron, who enjoys writing his comments in all capitals......

1. And we’re off. Sussan is wearing a fetching navy blazer to match all the other navy blazers at the two bridal tables on the stage full of white people. So very, very white. And navy – lots of navy.

2. Sussan says something about Peter being a leader and then does that head toss thing that reminds me of horses when their fly veil isn’t sitting on their head right.

3. No matter, Sussan has mercifully finished telling us all about Peter’s entire life story which nobody in Australia has ever heard before. Did you know he used to be in the police force? Stop it.

4. Sussan scurried back to her chair and here he comes, Peter Dutton, the Andrew Tate of Australian politics. Like Tate, hair-free and boring, he likes waggling the ToughMan persona-dildo in your face while nothing of any substance ever comes along to back it up.

5. Ron doesn’t seem to be bothered by that, GET RID OF THE GREENS!!

6. Oh, Peter is telling us that Sussan is a great friend of Women-In-The-Liberal-Party and a very good friend of something called Women-In-General. Not sure what Women-In-General he means, but it probably doesn’t include the attention-seeking missile Jacinta Price, who loves a good women’s uterus policing.

7. Immediately after Peter tells us how good Sussan and the Liberal party are for Women-In-General, he thanks the Liberal party president and the Liberal party treasurer and the Liberal party managers, who are all men called John and Charles and Andrew. Guess Sussan ain’t that great a friend of Women-In-The-Liberal-Party and Women-In-General after all.

8. He thanks yet another man, Jeremy Rockliffe, for being Tasmanian but I miss the part where he mentions the Rockliffe Government delaying charges in child sexual abuse cases that happened within the Tasmanian government, however Pete does tell us how exciting the Rockliffe Government will be for young people, and oh goodness what a clanger you dropped there Peter.....

10. Peter’s only seven minutes in and already the lady in the second row with one of those Prude & Trude black velvet hairbands (they must be compulsory) is checking her phone for emails. Have a fistful of mints Judith, cos Pete’s due to talk for 45 minutes and not even a bowl of blow is going to help you through this.

11. Apparently Australians cannot afford to buy a home, says the man who’s been in Parliament for 23 years and in government for 17. Did everyone know Peter and Mrs Peter sold one of their homes on the Gold Coast in 2022 for $6 million? Peter forgets to tell the audience this, too.

12. Yay. Here we go. Law, order and unity get their first call out and we’re only 10 minutes in. Peter has not yet referenced his nine years in the police, but there’s still time yet.

13. Peter is alarmed. There are radical Greens activists in the Teal’s midst. Why have the Teals never noticed them? Get Ron in the comments on the case. He’s seen them. Ron knows.

14. An annoying young journo is in the way of Judith the hair-band lady. She’s leaning over and giving him a good Karening.

15. Our Peter owns a little collection of Australian industries too, it seems. He’s talking about our miners, our farmers, our fishers and our foresters, but sadly no mention of our property developers, our $6 million Gold Coast apartment owners, and our billionaires who live in Singapore for tax purposes (wave to Gina everyone).

16. I’m worried about the journo. He’s a young’ish sort of fella. He’s not seasoned enough for the wrath of Judith from Double Bay. Run little journo boy, run.....

18. At 29:29 we hear, a Prime Minister cannot conduct themselves as somebody who is only there for sexual interests, and I’ve played it back and I think he might mean ‘sectional’, but ‘sexual’ is what Peter has said and I really don’t know what to say about that.

19. Peter has recently spoken to a man in the Cunter, which worries me until I replay it and realise it’s a man in the Hunter (Valley) and I’m not sure if Pete needs to see a speech therapist, or he’s just deathly tired, but this speech is getting very out there.

20. Peter thinks Anthony Albanese does not have a robust handle on nuclear. Does nuclear energy have a robust handle? And if it does, Peter sure doesn’t have one either. What in the name of stale conference room odour does it even mean? One day God herself is going to have to answer that one.

21. Nuclear! Nuclear! Nuclear for all! We will have so many jobs in the Cunter that people will be lining up to live there due to all the nuclear power stations that people want to live next to and somehow I think Peter’s telling us a bit of a fib here.

22. Peter is telling us the Liberal party will speak to Australians about nuclear power and consult with Australians about nuclear power and do costings with Australians about nuclear power and have meetings about nuclear power and lots of other sentences that include the words nuclear power, but sadly no information follows about the construction of stations for nuclear power or the timelines and money involved or where to read the full policy on nuclear power. What was that about Andrew Tate?

23. Aspiration dies where crime thrives. He looks very pleased with himself after that hilarious quip and so does the lanyard guy at the end of the bridal table who obviously wrote it cos he’s got that used-up radio ad man look about him....

25. The camera shows us the full room and they all have free Liberal Party travel mugs, so now you can recognise these people when they’re out in the wild at their lawn bowls clubs.

26. Judith is out of mints.

27. Raelene in the Facebook comments wants us to, Ask Albo what happens to all the waste of solar panels, batteries and turbines when they reach their use-by!? I assume Raelene has never seen the toxic wasteland of abandoned mines across the globe and the rising temperatures that are cooking the planet from those mine’s fossil fuel emissions, but you do you Raelene. (Narrator: it’s also clear these comments have been heavily censored, because every single comment is rejoicing in Sussan and Peter and everything Liberal. Either that or they’re handing out free nangs as well as free travel mugs.)

28. Peter is shifting to terrorism and immigration, which he says in the same sentence because that’s Peter’s safe place. But you go off king, while your ship is sinking, keep going.

29. Peter’s looking excited, which means he’s circling back to CRIME and LAW AND ORDER again. He gets a little glint in his eye when he’s talking about crime, like a penguin at feeding time.

30. Sorry, I dropped my laptop on my face because Peter’s just told me that highly credentialed politicians “like Dan Tehan” will help “restore Australia back to what it once was”, and even Judith looks like she ain’t swallowing that one, unlike the mints.

31. We’re working up for the big finish because the little journo boy and his camera are back, bravely facing danger in the untamed jungle of navy blazers and privilege and personalised travel mugs.

32. BORDERS, BORDERS, LAW AND ORDER, POWERS TO POLICE, CRIME, KNIFE SALES, GANGS, STOP AND SEARCH, INTERNET BADDIES, SOCIAL MEDIA BAD, CHILDREN COMMITTING CRIMES FOR LIKES, (unlike politicians), BAD BORDERS, SARAH HENDERSON IS IN CLASSROOMS WORKING AGAINST EXPLICIT SEXUAL THINKING (I have nothing to add there) BAD PEOPLE ARE EVERYWHERE, EVEN IN CLASSROOMS (probably get Sarah out of there then)......

Read the full article at

https://theshot.net.au/uncategorized/34-thoughts-i-had-while-watching-the-liberal-party-conference/