Friday, 10 January 2014

Liberal Party Senator Cory Bernardi gets a few rollicking reviews

Former parliamentary secretary assisting then Opposition Leader Tony Abbott and Liberal Party attack dog, Senator Cory Bernardi, has written another book.......

These are Amazon’s Most Helpful Customer Reviews.....

56 of 58 people found the following review helpful

Poor value, and very rough on the nether regions

By Tim Bell on January 6, 2014

Let me be upfront from the start: I didn't buy this book.

It's only 178 pages long, and at the current price of just under $27, it's quite expensive as well. So already one's expectations are for a good quality product, given that it costs over 15 cents per page (or 30 cents per sheet, in other words).

Just for comparison, my local Woolworths has toilet paper on sale for 20 cents per ONE HUNDRED sheets, or less than 1% the price per sheet of this book!!

As I confessed at the start, I haven't actually bought this book, so I just have to assume that it's printed on the same kind of paper that most paperbacks are printed on. If you're like me, and have occasionally wiped your nether regions with a sheet of an old Agatha Christie murder mystery, or maybe a Deepak Chopra self-help title, you know that it's a poor substitute for a good-quality piece of toilet tissue. So, without any evidence or claims to the contrary, I have to assume that this paperback is the same, with rough, untextured and single-ply pages that irritate, and (let's be honest) don't actually do as good a job at wiping as proper toilet tissue.

So that's really all there is to it: it's overpriced, and inferior to competing products, so why would you buy it? The Kleenex and Scott products are much better value for money, more effective, and so much more pleasant to use.

44 of 45 people found the following review helpful

Won't anyone think of the dachshunds?

By Simon666 on January 6, 2014

As a dachshund, I can't actually read this book or any other, but I thank Corgi Bernardi from the bottom of my heart for stopping gay marriage, and the widespread cornholing of both urban and rural animals that would have occurred should such a thing have eventuated. Like Corgi, I get all my information from fringe US-based religious websites, and so I must apologise for any misspelling that occurs in this post. As I've said, I am a dachshund and can't read, but Corgi looks very Karl Marx on the cover of his revolution book, just with better skin! As he doesn't have much future in politics, he might want to consider a career in infomercials, if there are any products that need angry stupid people in them. I mean, I'm a supporter (and would vote for him if I lived in South Australia), but let's say that Corgi isn't exactly from the highest branch. Also, I think Corgi will be offended by the "flip to back" function below his photo on this page - it's just not natural! Thankyou for reading.

30 of 30 people found the following review helpful

Does not do what it says on the cover

By Richard L. Watts on January 6, 2014

I read this book hoping to find advice on how to successfully overthrow a tyrannical warmist regime. But there is no details within on how to make gunpowder or bombs contained - not even contact numbers for my local far-right militia! Fail! Nor does THE CONSERVATIVE REVOLUTION contain the sort of information I have expected from Mr Bernadi such as graphic details on homo-beast sex or handy drawings explaining why step-families are inferior to Adam and Even normal red-blooded hetero families. Why have you failed me Corny? In short don't bother buying this book - I swapped it for a copy of ATLAS SHRUGGED that was missing half its pages and feel I have the better end of the bargain.
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29 of 30 people found the following review helpful

The contents are sader

By Charles Esson on January 6, 2014

The man on the front looks sad; is sad. The contents are sadder. If your from a blended family have step sisters and brothers you love and admire, this is not the book for you.

22 of 22 people found the following review helpful

Absolutely awful. Embarrassing to Australians. Misogynistic. Homophobic. Reactionary. Drivel.

By Sandra Bekin on January 6, 2014

These are views that would be right at home in the Deep South of the USA or the Southern Baptists. They are not even Conservative views. (Non Australians please note: The Liberal Party of Australia is a Right Wing party, the Left is the Australian Labor Party. There are no liberals in the Liberal Party.)

24 of 25 people found the following review helpful


By Steven J Darlington on January 6, 2014

The Dark One hungers. In his pit of eternal hatred he squats in the darkness feeding on the screams of the weak. Soon, his blood tide reaches a peak and he will scourge the unbelievers. Cory Bernardi claims he feels the hunger and screams for the blood of innocents, but his devotion to slaughter is not as strong as he would have you believe. His altars are empty. His axe is not stained wtih blood. This is not the Old Ways, Brother Bernardi. You know nothing of our dark rage. You barely even call for the murder of the pregnant women. NNGU'THALI-SZACTA!

18 of 18 people found the following review helpful

Promised much. Delivered little

By Amazon Customer on January 6, 2014

Cory Bernadi is a giant of a fish in the tiny pond we call Australia. He is single-handedly responsible for numerous Australian achievements, from the stump-jump plough and Hill's hoist (mistakenly named after a neighbour) to the recent 5-0 defeat of England in the Ashes test series.

And really, that's why this book is such a disappointment.

Turns out, Bernadi is just a bit of a tool.

965 of 1,034 people found the following review helpful

Take extreme caution.

By May Kadoody on January 6, 2014

A good friend and I perform an annual gift exchange, where we purchase each other the least suitable present imaginable. This year my friend received merkin underpants and I unwrapped "The Conservative Revolution". I congratulated her on winning this round, and threw the book in my drawer ne'er to be seen again.

Or so I thought.

Two weeks ago I hosted a dinner party at my apartment. We discussed how luscious Sarah Hanson Young's hair is whilst dining on miso glazed tofu, then retired to the sitting room for port. I entered the room to find guests whispering worriedly; as I approached my heart leapt into my throat - Bernardi's book was lying on the coffee table. Despite assurances it was a joke gift, my friends left hurriedly. I glared at the offending paperback and tossed it in the bin, confused and angry.

My life started to spiral out of control after this, everytime I met up with friends "The Conservative Revolution" would inexplicably be on my person. After I was nearly mobbed at a Newtown cafe, my friends asked that I stop calling. I tried leaving the book in a Salvation Army bin, on a bench, in a skip, but it would always be back in my loungeroom or bag. I even tried to burn it: the darkness behind Bernardi on the cover grew deeper - as though it absorbed the flames, but the remainder of the book wasn't even singed. Yesterday I returned home to find my collection of Sarah Waters novels thrown off the balcony, and a giant portrait of Julie Bishop painted on the wall. I feel as though Cory is watching me with those fanatical eyes, judging my sinful lifestyle.

If anyone knows an atheist celebrant I can hire to perform a conservative exorcism, please let me know.

1 comment:

John Fraser said...


Abbott had this fool working in his office for 2 years.

It must be so difficult for Abbott to keep hiding his own ideology, which is exactly the same as Bernadi's.