A lesson from Communications 101

Sick of waiting in the far queue (repeat those last two words quickly a few times and you'll know what I mean)?

Have you contacted a company such as a telco and been put in a queue that's a mile and a half long, which tells you in no uncertain terms that your time isn't as important as theirs?

Well, here are a few words of advice about how to advance your cause and jump the queue.

If there's one thing companies hate to hear it's, "I'm going to close my account". So, next time you contact a company by phone and you're facing the prospect of waiting a month of Sundays before someone reckons you're worthy of their attention and you're heading for the place colloquially referred to as its far queue don't dilly-dally when the computerised voice starts asking questions about the reason for your call. Instead, utter "Close my account", "Billing", "Telecommunication Ombudsman", or something along those lines. You'll be pleasantly surprised how quickly your call jumps the queue and you've short-circuited their "waiting game".

Similarly, when contacting a section of the media and you want nothing less than very prompt attention, simply say these two words, "M*d*a W*t*h". (Note, to be fair to the ABC's Jonathan Holmes, the even-numbered letters have been deleted.)