You’ve gotta love the conceit of that myth.
This is how it really goes for one ‘fictitious’ couple…….
Mr. Far Right and his spouse Hyacinth decide that another honour is needed to boost his profile and his worth on the international freeloader circuit.
Both begin discreet inquiries about what might be on offer for former politicians of his lack of stature.
Both even more discreetly let it be known that he would like one of those honorific titles – say a mere trifle like The Most Noble Order of the Garter, The Most Ancient and Noble Order of the Thistle or The Most Honourable Order of the Bath.
Hyacinth takes the lead in ferreting out suitable sponsors, while the pukka Mr. Far Right pretends to step back as is right and proper.
Once these sponsors (who might expect favours or bonbons in return) take up the cudgel on Mr. Far Right’s behalf, he and Hyacinth begin crafting the required novella which lays out the reasons he should receive a Great Big Gong.
Armed with what is now a mini-version of “War and Peace” the sponsors lay siege to the Royal Household and British Establishment until Her Maj consents to give Mr. Far Right what he wants, or a close consolation prize like the newfangled Order of Merit for which all citizens of Commonwealth countries are eligible for appointment.
The sponsors privately prepare the grasping couple for the inevitable disappointment, by assuring them that if Mr. Far Right fills a dead woman's shoes to even up the OAM numbers it is bound to lead on to further glory in the near future.
Buckingham Palace then formally notifies Mr. Far Right of his consolation prize. Hyacinth brews a new pot of Earl Grey and she and Mr. Far Right hit the phone to the family and one or two close friends – swearing all to absolute secrecy and pretending that he didn’t really want just a little of what his hero, Teh Mighty Ming, wore on his ample chest.
Reflecting that this gong means that she and hubbie will get to have tea with the Queen every so often and that her beloved will have his portrait drawn and hung (no quartering allowed thank you very much), Hyacinth wets her knickers.
Reflecting that this gong means that she and hubbie will get to have tea with the Queen every so often and that her beloved will have his portrait drawn and hung (no quartering allowed thank you very much), Hyacinth wets her knickers.
The day before the Honours List is formally announced someone close to Mr. Far Right informs select media of the totally unexpected news and indicates a suitable time for photo ops and quotable gems.
Come the day of the announcement, Mr. Far Right (having washed the brown substance off the end of his nose) acts humble and surprised on finding himself in a group which includes his political opposites - Sir David Attenborough who is a passionate lobbyist for an international response to climate change and Nelson Mandela who steadfastly opposed South Africa's apartheid system.
Australia gives a bored yawn as it watches Mr. Far Right on the tellie that night telling the world he is trooly rooly touched.
Australia gives a bored yawn as it watches Mr. Far Right on the tellie that night telling the world he is trooly rooly touched.
Pic of Order of Merit found at Buck House website
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