What's-his-name: the invisible leader of the Nationals

If you don't know who the leader of the Nats is, don't worry, because you have plenty of mates.

95% of Australians have no idea who he is.

Source: The Age, 16/9/09

Wednesday's Column 8 - ask Fairfax why this is not online at smh.com.au

Wednesday September 16, 2009

"I don't know about the mnemonic for accommodation," confesses Nancy Dickman (Column 8, last week), but when I was in 6th class at Como Public School in 1954 our teacher, a large man with a big voice, would boom 'There is no Como in accommodation!' and I have never forgotten it."

It could have been a lot uglier, Nancy. "When I was young," writes Joanna Davison of Haberfield, "long before spellcheck, my father tested our spelling with the following sentence: 'Accommodated near a cemetery, an embarrassed cobbler met a harassed pedlar gauging the symmetry of a desiccated lady's ankle with unparalleled ecstasy', which contains most of the hardest words to spell."

"The rubbish bins behind the dispensary of a pharmacy must be full at the end of each day with other pharmacies' prescription folders," suggests Annette Minter of Avalon. "This practice drives me crazy when I take in a prescription to a pharmacy that was previously dispensed by a different pharmacy, why do they have to remove the folder and replace it with their own? It is such a waste of paper and doesn't serve any purpose does it?" You wouldn't think so. I'm sure we'll be told if it does probably by a pharmacist, of all people.

Chris Flynn, at the time a temporary resident of the transit lounge at the airport in Singapore, has sent us a page torn from the September 1 edition of The Jakarta Post. He has scrawled at the bottom "What a name!" and encircled the following paragraph:

"The team from the Trade Ministry, made up of five members, was led by Verry Angri Djono, head of Metal, Machine and Electronics Supervision at the Ministry". Crikey, you wouldn't want to be late for a meeting with that bloke, would you?

"For the past four or five nights," reports Neil Godfrey, "I have watched what appear to be flocks of birds swirling around in the lights of the pylons of the Anzac Bridge. What are they up to?" We have no idea, but have also observed this remarkable ornithological ritual recently, and it's quite a sight. The white birds flicker in and out of view as they bank and swerve in and out of the light beams illuminating the flags mesmerising.

Well, someone did it (numerically freakish golf games, and tortuous disputes, Column 8, since Friday). "Like Terrey Hills golf course, the ninth at Coolangatta/Tweed Heads West course is a par five," writes Grahame Marr of Kingscliff. "After going into the water with my tee shot last Wednesday I had a 9, giving me a 9 on the 9th on the 9th of the 9th, 09."

"While looking for the green shoots of economic recovery," writes a cautiously optimistic Will Owens of Clovelly, "my work colleagues and I talked about what the opposite of 'alert but not alarmed' would be, in this context. I thought 'comforted but not jubilant' would be suitable, given the current economic numbers. I won't order the fridge magnets just yet, however."

Column8@smh.com.au(no attachments please).Phone 9282 2207 fax 9282 2772. (include name, suburb, daytime phone)

Source: The Sydney Morning Herald, 16/9/09

Your mother wears army boots and carries a gun!!

The harbinger of a local debate on the role of Australian service women in theatres of conflict?

Every women is either a mother or a potential mother and I am quite sure that no civilised person would want a would-be killer for a mother. [Quote from a The Daily Examiner letter to the editor decrying moves to potentially increase the presence of women on the frontline,11 September 2009]

Which leaves a burning question - when it comes to having a parent in the armed forces what is the difference between having a would-be killer for a mother as opposed to having a would-be killer for a father?

National political nong of the week

This week former Howard Government minister Tony Abbott was again demonstrating why he is unfit to be returned to government.
Not content with the blunt sh*t eating grin line (about Deputy Prime Minister Julia Gillard) trotted out for the media's benefit, he then went on to sabotage Question Time last Monday by deliberately attempting to block a television camera.
A tactic which saw him first warned and then named by the Speaker and at 2.29pm ejected from the House of Reps on an 80 to 62 vote.
The "Mad Monk" easily wins my vote for political nong of the week and that's really saying something coming out of a Coalition barn which saw its cut-out brandishing MPs refuse the Speaker's orders at the beginning of this parliament.
It's pathetic when after more than a year and a half in Oppostion a grown man still can't accept that he is no longer part of the government of the day.

Here is Monday's Column 8 - a reader's protest against Fairfax continues

Fairfax continues to ignore a very large section of its readership by not making this column available online at smh.com.au.

To make your feelings known about this
email Fairfax at readerlink@smh.com.au
phone 02 9282
or fax 02 9282 3253

"Your colleague who found remarkable names for nail polish," writes Adrian Briscoe of Rozelle (Column 8, last week), "might be interested to know that a friend of mine once had one called 'I Am Not a Waitress.' I'm sure many of your readers could come up with even more outrageous names." As it turns out, the company in question has already set the pace. OPI's nail polish website is a treat it's hard to work out whether it's utterly tongue-in-cheek or simply astute, counterintuitive marketing. We assume that there was a very long lunch involved in the concept development of these: "Charged Up Cherries, Dominant Jeans," and our favourite: "part of our Australian collection 'Fair Dinkum Pinkum'." And no, we are not making this up, make-up though she be.

"While I admire Vic Deebles' skill to have a hole-in-one on 9/9/9," writes Chris Lawrenson, of golf courses various, (Column 8, Friday), "the last time I played Terrey Hills, the ninth was a long par five, so unless they have changed the layout substantially, it's a very impressive score!" This is a deeply disturbing allegation. Column 8 will take a day off during the week and play the course, after a lengthy lunch, to be certain of the provenance of the initial claim. On the other hand, it could have been a miraculous slice shot, picked up in the rough by a nesting magpie, and deposited in the hole as a humiliating testimony to the waste of the time and effort by the gentleman in question. Far sillier things have happened in golf.

"A report prepared by Kempsey Council on designs and uses for a street mall at Kempsey," we are advised by a concerned and amused Mike Dutton, of thereabouts, "includes, among suggested events, an 'Antic Market' to be co-ordinated by a 'mall manger'. I wonder what would be for sale there - silly walks? Handstands? The mall is also to be upgraded, in accordance with 'design principals'." Hmm not too flash on the face of it. When's the next council election up there, Mike?

"An ad in the Herald classifieds on Saturday," reports John Williamson of Tewantin, Queensland, "is for the sale of the Bali Villa and Restaurant, which apparently 'runs by itself 150 staff'." We have a feeling that a sceptical John may have been in the catering caper, but if true, it seems a bargain at any price.

We don't often run replies to Heckler columns over here but we've had quite a response to Laura Jardine's rant on Friday about dodgy names for kids. "Every generation has its share of creative names for children," replies Janet Power of Blayney. "In past generations, Wendy and Cynthia raised the eyebrows of grandparents. Any teacher will tell you of the disbelief that greets the list of new enrolments each year, but girls named Jordan and Cameron no longer draw a reaction. It's the fanciful spellings that take our breath away. And as for boys' names, my late father (born in 1922) rejoiced in the name Gladstone. Besides, I have to keep an open mind. Just this week I became proud grandmother to Atlas!" Heavens above, Janet - this load-bearing baby isn't a girl is it?

Column8@smh.com.au(no attachments please).Phone 9282 2207 fax 9282 2772. (include name, suburb, daytime phone)

Source: The Sydney Morning Herald, 14/09/09

Here's what Fairfax doesn't want its SMH online readers to see

Herald's Column8 is no longer online.

While Fairfax was shouting from its roof top about its new online National Times, elsewhere in the building The Sydney Morning Herald was being detoured through another route.

Fairfax powers-that-be decreed that as of yesterday (Monday 14 September) the Herald's very popular Column 8 would no longer be available online.

What's next? Will Fairfax start charging its Herald readers for the privilege of reading it online.?

Sounds suspiciously like Fairfax is out to out-do News Ltd with its Murdoch view of the world that online content should have a price tag attached.

Here are a couple of pars from today's Column8.