A that's a fact musing: Hey Boy, I was at a mate's place the other day and I saw a notice, which I memorised and am repeating for you below, posted very low on their fridge door. Later, I saw the notice that's on their front door on the way out. I didn't see it when I arrived because I went in via the back door, just as I always do at home. Do you have a similar signs at your place? Rex
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't smoke or drink,
(7) don't want to wear your clothes,
(8) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(9) don't need a gazillion dollars for university and
(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children .....
A How to Train Your Human musing: One little kitten has it down pat right from the start...Typical. The only wet food Chloë will eat is raw prawns and fresh snapper. Keep up the good work, Chloë!
A journalist with great taste and a big heart musing: @latikambourke tweets about the love of her life shown here in cute Chloe kitteh glory.
A cat in the doghouse musing: I tried to tell everyone that Basement Cat took over the keyboard when I added my voice to the end of this post. But my muvva didn't believe me and I now heartily apologize to any hens or dogs I may have offended or frightened.
Boy
