Former PM admits he's been getting his dates mixed up

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North Coast Voices has had the luxury of a private viewing of former PM John Howard's diary entries.

JWH said his diary will be heavily used when he appears on the public speaking scene in town and country halls across the country in the New Year. However JWH confided to NCV that he hasn't had any luck in securing the services of an agent who would be prepared to take him under its wing and organise what he is very confident would be a block busting success.

Should he fail to appear on the public speaking scene by Easter, JWH said he would opt for the far more lucrative option of going straight to the big screen and produce and direct a movie about himself.

JWH said he figured a public speaking tour was the very least he should do in order to repay his followers across the breadth of this great nation. In an aside, JWH remarked that he thought the many public appearances he could make would provide him with ideal opportunities to use the blanket appeal strategy and collect any loose coins and folding money his mates had left. "My finances are not what some people say they are. Living off a mere $300,000 pa will be no easy matter. My good wife and I have become accustomed to a life style that we won't be able to throw away lightly. Why else do you reckon I hung in there tooth and nail?"

When asked how 2007 had unfolded for him, JWH exclaimed, "Drats! I thought, sure as eggs, that 2007 was the Chinese Year of the Rat. In fact, I was so sure of myself I would have put good money on it. Not that I'm a gambling man. No sirreee! I'm a Sunday School goer. Mind you, it wouldn't have been my money anyway because, as you all know, I've had my hand in the public purse for so long that I don't even have a wallet I call my own. After all, why would I need one?"

"I've been the nation's prime rodent for over 11 years. Just quietly, some of my best mates reckon I'm the best lying rodent this nation has ever had. And who am I to argue with them?"

When told 2008 was the Year of the Pig, JWH said that made things a whole lot better for him.
"Phew, that's a big help. I'll be able to use that in my speeches. That'll get me off the hook. I'll tell the good folks out there in voter land I had every right to pork barrel because it was the Year of the Pig."