FOUND: an virtual office assistant for Stephen Mayne

I have been watching Stephen Mayne's progress as a shareholder activist on and off for some time now and reading his Mayne report whenever I remember.
He certainly writes a mountain of letters and emails. I stand in awe at the sheer volume over the years. What a ripper!
I've been wondering how he is managing to keep up with his multi-tasking since he also became a Manningham city councillor and I think I have the perfect solution for those times when there aren't enough hours in the day to keep up with the correspondence.
Cranky Old Man Letters - an online automated letter-writing program for emails addressed to Fortune 500 companies. This could be just the ticket.
Here is a copy of one online letter generated for emailing to Monsanto:

Varian Louisa
4022 Socialite Blvd.
Kansas, IL 61933
February 18, 2009

Hugh Grant
Monsanto
800 N. Lindbergh Blvd.
St. Louis, MO 63167

Good Evening:

The last time I was at Monsanto I decided that I was not going to take it anymore and I urinated on the immature floor in the lobby.
In the winter of 1953 below the 36th Parallel, I was with Company P and me and my buddy Daruka (also from Kansas) were freezing our GMOs off.
Charlie was everywhere.
All we had to eat was a can of turnips and only 36 bullets between us. I made it through that ordeal, but Daruka didn't.

I fought for our freedom and I am not going to take anymore from you guys over there in St. Louis. Trollop Monsanto!
I have to stop writing this shonky letter. I just misleading peed all over my hellish slacks because I am choking on my own anger while writing this letter.
Are you happy now. All of my problems in my life are because of Hugh Grant and his group of hot c*#ks over there at Monsanto.

Our economy is falling apart and you have the f@cking nerve to charge me for this damaged service! Eat A D#ck! If you think I am going to bail your multinationals out like the government, you better get bent.
I expect a apology from Monsanto before next Monday. I want it written on your official company letterhead and signed by Hugh Grant personally.
Do not send me some garbage written by an assistant. You will be hearing from my lawyer.

With My Compliments,

Varian Louisa