When Google 'Autocomplete' Goes Bad

Twas the night before e-Census and all though the town.....

There were hundreds of fur kids* refusing to be left out.

Click on images to enbiggin

* Fur Kids - beloved companion animals (more usually dogs and cats) that are considered part of the family unit.

Please note that no census form was killed or injured in creating this post.

Best tweet of the week

@GreenJ Jonathan Green

things could be worse. #trollday 1914 ... RT @AustralianArmy: On this day in 1914, Great Britain declared war on Germany.

Nobody but us hens in here!

We have had very cold nights and heavy frost in the mornings.
The temperatures have been as low as 2 and 3 degrees below zero.

So this afternoon I was not all that surprised when I went to put the chooks away for the night and found Arnold the not so little calf had decided to bunk down in the chook shed.

The hens were a bit upset that Arnold had decided that he would bunk with them. How would he fit that bulk onto the roost? Would the roosts take the 200 kgs plus weight, does he snore?

All this was being loudly discussed by the flock. Some had decided that they would have nothing to do with it and refused to go into the shed; others had a more inclusive approach, he may be a strange looking hen but he was friendly.

Arnold on the other hand had a look on his face that said “nobody but us hens in here”. If he could’ve clucked he would have.

It took a little persuasion and half a bucket of food to entice him out of his new home much to the hens’ relief.

Arnold wandered back up the paddock to join the rest of the cow herd, but I was sure I heard a gently clucking sound as he walked away.

Graphic from Pure Dawning

Clarence House ban ensures rolling antipodean satire by the Chaser team

The promotional clip



and two of the final no-access-to-the-wedding clips





No wonder Prince Charles issued a ban on using footage of the Windsor-Middleton wedding “in any drama, comedy, satirical or similar entertainment program or content” - The Chaser team's fame had gone before it and someone at the BBC had likely seen the promo and insisted the letter of the broadcasting rights contract be observed.

Still, Clarence House was naive to hope that the matter would end there with no prospect of raw, biting or even downright silly satire surfacing in response and, now the ABC is running the complete clip set on iView for the next twelve days.

Tell an average Australian "No" in an upper-class English accent and the rest is very predictable.

Minchin's Storm

The road to a hardier banana

With half the Northern Rivers rigid with shock since the humble Aussie banana skyrocketed past $15 a kilo and then entered the stratosphere to become a diamond-studded luxury item in the wake of record breaking natural disasters across the country; the mind turns to how limp yet pricey nanas might be avoided in future. Perhaps Waitrose found an answer on 1 April 2010 when it published this advert?

A tongue in cheek look at the ethics of found money

 

Jessica Irvine, journalist, in The Sydney Morning Herald 6 April 2011

There's an old economist joke: an economist is walking with a friend when they both notice a $100 note lying on the footpath. As the friend bends to pick it up, the economist shakes her head and says: ''Don't bother! If it were a real $100 note, someone would have picked it up already.''

Col Shephard, Yamba identity, in The Sydney Morning Herald 7 April 2011:

About that economist and the $100 note lying on the footpath: if the economist, in a fleeting moment of total irrationality, picked up the note and found it was genuine, he or she would immediately say there are only two things that can be done with it. Spend it or save it.
On the other hand, the economist's friend would look for its rightful owner.

I know I've got a suspicious mind, but.......

Online report from the BBC on 1st April 2011:

Dads launch class action against Mumsnet “Another leading human rights lawyer commented: “This case raises fundamental issues about privacy in the internet age. One of the fathers' complaints is that Mumsnetters are sharing information about every aspect of their private lives, from hygiene habits to genital size. They say they feel that women everywhere are ‘rofling’ at them. Some have become phobic about going online and no longer enjoy exchanging facts about mobile phone specifications. Many now feel so intimidated they can’t even post opinions about Kerry Katona’s breasts on the Daily Mail website. It’s a serious problem.” Mumsnet Founder Justine Roberts said: "Fathers have always been welcome on Mumsnet, I even keep one in my own house. I find it very useful for the spiders."

And from Ryanair this media release on the same day:

Child free flights from October 2011 “When it comes to children we all love our own but would clearly prefer to avoid other people’s little monsters when travelling. While half our passengers would like us to divide our cabins up into ‘adult’ and ‘family’ areas it is not operationally possible due to our free seating policy, with optional priority boarding. However, with clear demand for ‘child free’ flights Ryanair will introduce child free flights on high frequency routes from the start of our winter schedule in October.”

Shoomery ran with this on the 1st April:

Ban April Fool's Day

Click on image to enlarge

Finally, a tongue in cheek via Twitter on 2^nd April 2011:

@riverknight Shawn Smith The problem with April Fools Day is that for this one day each year you aren't able to believe everything you read on the internet.

That Bazza is q-u-i-c-k!

I know NSW Premier-Elect Bazza O'Farrell thinks of hizself as a busy new broom, but these MSM snapshots taken late at night on the 26th March suggest that he's going a mite too fast and far! {wink, wink}

Sometimes a cartoon is all too accurate....

A small hint received from a friend.....

True words tweeted in jest?

FakeeEtiquette Fake e-Etiquette

It is polite to continue acting as though internet arguments have winners or conclusions.

Excuses used for not reading blogs

It has happened so often now that I am moved to comment on the number of times someone (usually a journalist) tells me that they are aware of a particular post on North Coast Voices BUT….

a) only stumbled upon it when I was searching for something else on the Internet

b) someone read it out to me because I don’t have time to read blogs

c) a friend of a friend told me a bit about it

d) remember hearing about it somewhere or other

To these four common 'explanations' I often like to mentally add another two for my own amusement:

e) the cat dragged it in and left it on the mat

f) I didn’ t actually read it – it was blocking the bedroom door as I tried to make it to the bathroom this morning ;-)

What is fascinating about this attitude is the level of shame it appears to conceal. Apparently online reading is actually a vice akin to one of the seven deadly sins – especially if you are a professional journalist.

It certainly gives me the silent giggles whenever I hear that BUT.

Cartoon from Savage Chickens

One response to urban sinkholes caused by flood waters in the Clarence Valley

Jules Faber cartoon in The Daily Examiner 17 January 2011.
Jules professional résumé can be found at JulesFaber.com

One of those great odd pics posted during the January 2011 Northern Rivers floods

Dad's found a use for this newfangled technology "colour TV"

@davcams contribution to the hysterical historical record.
Cane farmer removing flood debris from his fields

Posted on Moby Picture Nswfloods group stream

Borowitz homes in on Cablegate

Andy Borowitz puts the recent Wikileaks Cablegate shenanigans into humorous perspective:

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – In the first major policy fallout from the WikiLeaks disclosures, the State Department has ordered all U.S. diplomats to “cease and desist telling the truth until further notice.”

“We are working overtime to try to make sure that leaks like these don’t happen again,” Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told reporters. “But until we’ve got the leaks plugged, it’s incumbent on all our diplomats to put on their lying caps.”

Secretary Clinton noted that since many US diplomats are major political donors with long careers in the business world, “this shouldn’t be a reach for them.”

But for those career diplomats who came up through the Foreign Service, the State Department will be holding a series of “truth avoidance seminars,” led by executives of Goldman Sachs.

Additionally, Secretary Clinton said, the State Department would install on all diplomats’ computers new software called CandorShield™, which automatically translates truthful language into a less embarrassing truth-free version.

For example, she explained, the software would translate the phrase “two-faced weasels” into “trusted Pakistani allies” and would delete all references to French President Nicolas Sarkozy as “Monsieur Shorty Pants.”

Elsewhere, Interpol issued this statement about its pursuit of WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange: “We will find Julian Assange, and then we will hire him.”

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Just can't take the situation seriously anymore....

Kudelka & The Australian 26 August 2010

Oh noes - they've been haiku'd!

I recently received a book called ONE HUNDRED GREAT BOOKS IN HAIKU by David Bader.

The premise of the book is that there are great works of literary art but no one has the time to read them, or alternatively that the modern attention span is so short it is too great a chore to read them.

So he condensed the novels into haiku.

A haiku is a three line poem containing seventeen syllables developed in Japan.

I was very impressed and thought I would share a few with you;

THE ODYSSEY

Homer

Aegean forecast-

storms, chance of one-eyed giants,

delays expected.

DE REVOLUTIONIBUS

ORBIUM CAELESTIUM

Nicolaus Copernicus

Guessus whatibus?

Earthus orbits the Sunnum!

Ptolemy doofus.

THE INFERNO

Dante Alighieri

Abandon all hope!

Looks like everyone's down here.

Omigod- the Pope!

MOBY-DICK

Herman Melville

Vengeance! Black blood! Aye!

Doubloons to him that harpoons

the Greenpeace dinghy.

(this could also apply to the Japanese justice system)

LORD OF THE FLIES

William Golding

'Kill him! Spill his blood!'

Marooned lads hold savage rites.

Choirboys lean to prey.

GULLIVER'S TRAVELS

Jonathan Swift

Thus I was first great,

then small, and much vexed to learn

that size does matter.

First Dog articulates our common fear.....

First Dog on the Moon reminds us that it will all inevitably happen again -AAAARRRRGGGHHH!

A bit about First Dog

Click on cartoon to enlarge

Fowl business on the campaign trail

On the weekend I cleaned out the chook pen and as usual I lined the nesting boxes with all our old newspapers.

The hens were unusually quiet for two days afterwards, but this morning they were in fine form with loud cackling, squawking and general hubbub.

The chooks it seems had developed a new conspiracy theory. If you don’t have hens you might not know that all fowls are major players in developing most conspiracy theories since they nearly always think the sky is falling.

They were all talking at once and at high volume so I could only make out some parts of the general conversation.

The bit about Tony Abbot being the main people smuggler in Australia did confuse me until I collected the eggs and there in plain sight was a photo of Tony in his budgie smugglers. The hens had misread the paper, but then again budgies are just another race of bird people to the hens so perhaps they were not all that wrong.

There was a lot of confusing talk about chicks overboard, core and non-core promises, Malcolm Turnbull’s emails (the hens had always liked Malcolm - they thought he was a fine cock), Cabinet leaks, no GST and latest polling figures.

I couldn’t make head nor tail of it, so I went off to find Arnold the calf since he had been spending a lot of time grazing around the chook pen and he may have been able to sort the chooks latest theory out.

I found him under a tree chewing cud and he told me that the general thrust of the hens' argument was this; there is a history of the Liberal Party not telling the whole truth to the electorate.

The comments about chicks overboard, core and non-core promises and no GST suddenly made sense.

The feathered theory continued.....

Malcolm Turnbull was brought undone by a false email leaked to him by a civil servant. Who benefited out of that? Tony Abbott since he got to become the Leader of the Opposition.
When the national security committee started leaking the chooks asked themselves; who attends these meetings? The answer was government ministers and civil servants. Who is benefiting from these leaks? Why, Tony Abbott. Or so the polling figures are indicating.

Therefore the chooks reasoned; if a strategy works you are more likely to try it again. So their clucklusion is that Tony Abbott is somehow getting civil servants to leak information to damage the government during the election campaign.

They have already condemned Tony for Malcolm’s downfall and now they don’t like the thought of him as PM - not enough room in his policy package for smuggled budgies perhaps?

Picture from The Ark In Space Image Credit Flickr User Skittzitilby