Can't work out what's going on in the financial world?

Here are the terms you need to know ...

CEO --- Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no pocket money, the nanny gets the sack, and the skis stay in the cupboard.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-partner and accountant split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use. (It was difficult to find in my Thesaurus ...)

Acknowledgement: It's hats off to my mate Robbo for sourcing this information.

Kevin takes himself too seriously [Part One]

AS Prime Minister of Australia Kevin Rudd has taken on a big task.

He may not be Australia's head of state or even the head of state's representative, he may not be the commander-in-chief of the defence forces and his job description may be missing from the Australian Constitution.

Nevertheless his is an important position.

However it is not so important that people on the NSW North Coast stifled their laughter when Kevin Rudd admitted quite proudly that "followers' registering on his newly-created Twitter site crashed it with their activity very late on Wednesday night.

He said the crash meant that he had lost all those 600-odd newcomers, but failed to mention that his site had become a focus for protest over the Rudd-Conroy plan to install the Great Firewall of Australia.

Or didn't his staff inform him of the digital 'no clean feed' revolt that was under way?

North Coast communities baulk at Optus tower proposals

Optus is making rather heavy weather of its plans to erect mobile phone towers across the Clarence Valley.

First they found themselves being seen-off by Iluka residents in a skirmish over there, with the local doctor threatening to close his practice and leave if the tower went ahead.
Currently they have their Iluka development application on hold while they scout for another suitable site.

Then The Daily Examiner reported on Thursday that Junction Hill and Glenreagh communities are up in arms over plans for towers there and are actively lobbying Clarence Valley Council.

Councillor Ian Tiley led Tuesday's push against the applications for the two towers, arguing they were contrary to council's sustainability initiative, the major strategic document guiding council decision-making, and would negatively affect the surrounding area.

Cr Tiley was supported by Crs Pat Comben and Craig Howe on blocking the Glenreagh tower, with Cr Sue Hughes supporting these councillors in recommending the Junction Hill tower be refused.

One would have thought that by now the major telecommunication companies would have realised that they need to take note of community concerns ahead of any application to council.
Instead of hoping that their corporate weight will bend local government at will.

Senator Conroy's *@#**@* dodgy digital Xmas present

The Register reports that the Minister for Broadband, Communications and the Digital Economy Stephen Conroy will start live trials of the Rudd-Conroy Great Firewall of Australia on Xmas Eve.

Just in time to b*gger the festive season for the blogosphere.

It's so on the nose that iiNet Australia said to The Sydney Morning Herald:

"They're not listening to the experts, they're not listening to the industry, they're not listening to consumers, so perhaps some hard numbers will actually help," he said.

"Every time a kid manages to get through this filter, we'll be publicising it and every time it blocks legitimate content, we'll be publicising it."

Malone concluded: "This is the worst Communications Minister we've had in the 15 years since the [internet] industry has existed."

While the whole world can see Stevo's dismal attempt to defend his censorship trial at YouTube:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=OUohfIhFET8

What's that Skip? Ya Mum sez?

If you thought that the Sydney Morning Herald offered serious journalism - think again

Last Saturday I happened to read an article in The Sydney Morning Herald which claimed that global warming wasn't really happening and For most of the past seven years, those temperatures have actually been on a plateau. For the past year, there's been a sharp cooling. These are facts, not opinion: the major sources of these figures, such as the Hadley Centre in Britain, agree on what has happened, and you can check for yourself by going to their websites. Sure, interpretations of the significance of this halt in global warming vary greatly, but the facts are clear.

Well, the facts may be clear to Michael Duffy of the Herald; but his interpretation is not supported by the U.K. Met Office Hadley Centre he cites as supporting his position and, this research body clearly states on its website:

Climate change goes on
There is clear evidence that global temperatures are rising despite counter claims from climate sceptics.

The Centre goes on to observe:

The evidence is clear – the long-term trend is that global temperatures are rising, and humans are largely responsible for this rise. Global warming does not mean that each year will be warmer than the last. Natural phenomena will mean that some years will be much warmer and others cooler.

You only need to look at 1998 to see a record-breaking warm year caused by a very strong El Niño. In the last couple of years, the underlying warming is partially masked caused by a strongLa Niña. Despite this, 11 of the last13 years were the warmest ever recorded.

Average global temperatures are now some 0.75 °C warmer than they were 100 years ago. Since the mid-1970s, the increase in temperature has averaged more than 0.15 °C per decade.

This rate of change is very unusual in the context of past changes and much more rapid than the warming at the end of the last ice age.

Sea-surface temperatures have warmed slightly less than the global average while temperatures over land have warmed at a faster rate of almost 0.3 °C per decade.

and

Anyone who thinks global warming has stopped has their head in the sand.

So exactly why did The Sydney Morning Herald decide to devote inches to Michael Duffy's reworked nonsense and hold itself up to ridicule? I'm still wondering.

Walk Against Warming, Ballina Sunday 16 November 2008

Walk Against Warming

9am

Fawcett Park,

Ballina NSW

Sunday 16 November

For details of other NSW or interstate locations go here.

Those doppelgänger folks at Twitter

Everybody it seems is using Twitter and many Aussie identities are finding that they now have a doppelgänger who has at some time happily used this site.
Here're some entries from the archives.

Stephen Conroy aka Chr*st Almighty:
"Nice morning in Melbourne.. i can smell the coffee and the distaste for me like never before! FRESH! "
"yes.. fantastic stuff.. now im behind the firewall DVDs are the only way i can get "relief"

Malcolm Turnbull aka Member for Goldman Sachs aka God:
"Julie Bishop is such a babe, the pant suit looks totally hot on TV"

Kevin Rudd aka Chairman of the Bored:
"Pity Barack isn't Twittering. How else will he find out that I'm totally on his team?"

John Howard aka Die Führer:
"Found this picture of me and Condi...she never calls anymore :( "

The real Malcolm Turnbull is of course found at Twitter/TurnbullMalcolm.

While yesterday the real Kevin Rudd became a tweeter at Twitter/Kevin RuddMP for the first time.
Maaaaaaate! That was a mistake. Because it didn't take long for the 'clean feed' pixies to start flying in:


Go pixies - give'm heaps!