A moment when a small illuminated world globe became a thing of *ahem* mystery and wonder

Who rules the world?

 Left to right: Sweden’s PM Stefan Lofven with Lars Lokke Rasmussen of Denmark, 
Erna Solberg of Norway, Juha Sipila of Finland and Bjarni Benediktsson of Iceland 
in Bergen. Photograph: Reuters

Somehow I don’t think this was the media response that Donald Trump’s team was hoping for at the time.

Trump offers proof of 'no Russian ties'

And here it is…………….

Images via Twitter

How the average person experiences watching the nightly news in 2017?

https://youtu.be/_kgRFHaNo-Y

The real Donald J. Trump tweeting in his preferred language

Дональд Дж. Козырь
@realDonaldTrump

Джефф Сессии честный человек. Он не сказал ничего плохого. Он мог бы отметил свой ответ более точно, но это было явно не ....

6:22 вечера - 2 марта 2017

  

Australia's 45th Parliament in action

https://youtu.be/Knob-rB35AI

“But before talking about what happened during the election campaign, I want to touch on something that is very close to my heart, and that is the national flag of Australia—our flag.” [Senator McGrath (Queensland) Assistant Minister to the Prime Minister]

“—particularly to you, Senator Cameron, who share my love of chocolates” [Senator Fierravanti-Wells (NSW)]

The New Daily, 12 September 2016:

The government began the second week of the new Parliament the same way it ended the first – amid high farce.

Little more than a week after being the first majority government in 50 years to lose a vote in the House of Representatives (it lost three) because Coalition MPs decided to go home early, it was the Senate’s turn to show the level of disorganisation within government ranks.

Soon after the Senate opened for business on Monday, the Coalition had no business to discuss.

And after another embarrassing session of Parliament ended, ABC’s Lateline revealed that Federal Cabinet had confidentially signed off on the mechanics of the same-sex marriage plebiscite, only for the details to leak almost immediately.

In the morning session of the Senate, a filibuster of Monty Python proportions ensued, leaving no one with any doubt the government was desperately trying to mark time until lunch.

With no legislation to debate, Coalition senators rose to talk for hours about their love of chocolates, love of the Australian flag, respect for roads, respect for a defeated candidate whose name they got wrong and other inane conversation.

It all led to Opposition Senate leader Penny Wong to chime in that the government had “no plans and no ideas”.

“They’ve got literally nothing to talk about,” Senator Wong said.

Meanwhile, manager of government business in the Senate Mitch Fifield put the word out that Labor was delaying passage of non-controversial bills in the House, therefore leaving the Senate with nothing to debate.

But the Senate scenes exposed further signs of chaos and weakness from the government, leaving Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull appearing besieged from all sides…..

Political Cartoons of the Week

Jon Kudelka, The Australian, 29 March 2016

Geoff Pryor, The Saturday Paper, 26 March 2016

Don't even have an election date yet but already the sheep are getting nervous....

Last week Michael Pascoe started the 2016 political year off with his tongue-in-cheek and gave readers a good belly laugh

The Age newspaper along with Fairfax journalist & BusinessDay contributing editor Michael Pascoe deserve a hearty round of applause for this effort on New Year’s Day 2016, Crystal ball reveals 2016's highs and lows in business:

January

Senator Eric Abetz declares a Day of Shame over Tony Abbott not being named Australian of the Year. "Monckton warned me – it's the United Nations World Government again," the Tasmanian senator says.

At his first official function as Ambassador – an Australia Day barbie – Joe Hockey lauds the McDonald's all-day breakfast as the sort of innovation Australia needs. Embassy staff quietly ask guests not to tell him it's already available here.

February

After the year's first RBA board meeting, governor Stevens says "chilling out" is working well for the economy by reducing speculation. To assist, the RBA board will only meet quarterly.

The UN General Assembly declares thermal coal a hazardous substance. Environment Minister Greg Hunt says: "If coal's a hazard, all you have to do, to get rid of it, is burn the stuff."

March

The Bureau of Meteorology says 2016 is already on track to take 2015's Hottest Year Ever title.

Under instructions from Minister Hunt, BoM apologises to Alan Jones for using alarmist language and re-scales expectations for 2016 to perhaps be Least Coldest Year.

Missing person report is filed for Opposition Leader Bill Shorten.

April

ASIC and ATO jointly announce a royal commission into banking/finance/superannuation industry and promise a no-holds-barred crackdown on executive expenses rorting and multinational tax dodging.

The sharemarket plunges. An ASIC spokesperson asks why no journalist noticed the date on the release, April 1. "This was a perfect example of "if it's too good to be true, it probably isn't true".

After six months of holding his head with a slight tilt to the left, while smiling beneficently through media conferences, Prime Minister Turnbull experiments with a slight tilt to the right. "Innovation is what we're all about," he says.

May

RBA governor Stevens announces "chilling out" policy is being replaced by "hanging loose". RBA board meetings are to be bi-annual.

Treasurer Morrison's first budget solves spending and revenue problems by privatising and outsourcing e.g. ABC is to be sold to Foxtel, the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet to the IPA, the Health Department to a consortium of tobacco and drug companies, the Defence Department to Donald Trump; Centrelink clients will be auctioned off for body parts.

Tasmanian Senator Abetz declares Tony Abbott a genius. "The budget proves my leader is actually running the government from his hideout in the Brindabellas," he says. "Morrison is his puppet."

June

The Queensland government agrees to a take-or-pay contract with Adani in order to secure a Galilee Basin coal mine. Every Queenslander is to be guaranteed a monthly coal ration of 10 tonnes, delivered to their door.

Read predictions for the second half of the year here.

Twitter user flipping through a newspaper

Yeah, I know Yeah, I know Yeah, I know Yeah, I know Yeah, I know…..

(found on Twitter and apologies to the tweeter for not crediting - I've lost your handle)

BOOM, BOOM! Best of Tony Abbott Jokes

Found on Twitter  ‏@wrb330 

GROUND ZERO: a rather strange use for a little Google api

Carlos Labs asks: Have you ever wondered what would happen if a nuclear bomb goes off in your city? 

Here is ground zero on what would possibly be three popular targets if the political opinion polls were weaponised:

Christian terrorist outed online

Honi Soit mocking the Abbott Government’s scare campaign and expansion of Australia’s national security laws:

Local terrorist Rob Wilson is counting his lucky stars this week, after the Federal government once again pledged to focus a majority of its counter terrorism efforts on innocent Muslims and people fleeing Iraq, to the relief of Christian terrorists country over. The father of three and part time extremist says he is actually quite glad a majority of his work goes overlooked as a Christian extremist, as he prefers to let his work speak for itself, and he’s not in it for fame or glory.

Rob says he has been a hobbyist terrorist for some years now, tinkering away in his back shed with various detonators, when not scouring his Bible for new sins, and is always on the look out for more industrial grade manure to ad to his rapidly growing collection. While Rob says his interest is only a weekend job at the current time, he hopes that someday it might become his death.

Despite the government’s support, it’s not all smooth sailing for Rob, with the occasional run in with the authorities inevitable in his line of work. “For a while I was getting really worried that the police had cottoned on to my plans and might shut things down,” says Rob, “there was always this van with tinted windows parked out the front, but in the end it turned out they were just after my Sikh neighbors. Apparently they’d had a whole kitchen drawer full of knives of something, so they were all taken in for questioning under anti-terror laws and nobody’s heard from them since.”…….

OBIT: Hon. Anthony John 'Tony' Abbott MP, Prime Minister of Australia

The Hon. Anthony John 'Tony' Abbott MP, Prime Minister of Australia, passed away suddenly on Friday, 13 June 2014.

He collapsed in mid-sentence at a press conference outside Parliament House with what was at first thought to be heatstroke brought on by an unseasonably hot winter day.

However his condition worsened and he was rushed to Canberra Hospital where he was admitted to the coronary care unit.

Medical treatment was complicated by the discovery of symptoms of ‘concrete heart’ syndrome and that, in combination with low hospital staffing levels due to recent Federal Government funding cuts, meant that the Prime Minister died within four hours of admission.

Tony Abbott was a man of no fixed principles, who rose to power on the back of his ability to be unrelentingly negative, viciously sledge political opponents and endlessly repeat three word slogans.

An intolerant, muscular Christian who thought the poor always responsible for their own misfortune and their children undeserving of a decent public education.

His reputation for sexism and misogyny was known around the world, as was his commitment to political untruths.

A friend to a select few – particularly those from his own religious or social background and assorted media barons.

Tony Abbott is sincerely mourned by members of his immediate family.

The Liberal Party of Australia issued a brief statement of regret on his passing, then returned to the task of choosing a new leader.

A number of spontaneous street parties were reported to have occurred across Australia when his death was announced.

There was a mixed reaction from world leaders.

Cardinal George Pell has issued a media release stating his intention to tirelessly work for the canonisation of the late prime minister.

Mr. Abbott’s ashes will be returned to England and interred in the grounds of the Royal Hospital, Chelsea, close by the grave of his hero former British Prime Minister Baroness Thatcher of Kesteven.

The gentle and generous humour of Prime Minister Julia Gillard

The ABC’s Sally Sara tweeted this image of Paul Bongiorno replacing Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard at her desk to celebrate his 25 years as a member of the Press Gallery. The Prime Minister is acting as one of his ‘assistants’ for the camera.

Tony Abbott gets laughed off the political stage

 

Australian Leader of the Opposition Tony Abbott has finally become a genuine political joke.
 

Brisbane Times 15 November 2012:
 

At a dinner on Saturday, Mr Abbott reportedly described Mr Wyatt, who won the Perth seat of Hasluck at the 2010 election, as a good bloke but ''not a man of culture''.

Mr Wyatt, whose mother Mona was a member of the stolen generation, was unimpressed and he and Mr Abbott had words over the phone on Monday night.

But on Tuesday, Mr Abbott exacerbated tensions again with his push to poach Ms Anderson.

''I think it would be terrific if, as well as having an urban Aboriginal in our Parliament, we had an Aboriginal person from central Australia, an authentic representative of the ancient cultures of central Australia in the Parliament,'' he said.

 

This caused quite a few Australians to laugh at him.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First Dog On the Moon at Crikey

@Utopiana and and @Ebswearspink appear to have kicked off a Twitter hashtag #itriedtobeauthenticbut.

@Utopiana is Celeste Liddle from Melbourne who describes herself as a black feminist.

@Ebswearspink is believed to be a young indigenous lawyer who came from the Byron Bay area.

 

Here is a sample:

 

Ebs ‏@Ebswearspink

#itriedtobeauthenticbut when someone asked me who my mob was I promptly denied having links to Italian gangsters

 

Celeste Liddle ‏@Utopiana

#Itriedtobeauthenticbut... someone yelled "Which way?" and I pulled out a GPS

 Retweeted by Ebs

 

Anita Heiss ‏@AnitaHeiss

#itriedtobeauthenticbut but I've thrown more parties than boomerangs!

 Retweeted by Ebs

Georgia MacGuire ‏@blackgin

#Itriedtobeauthenticbut my certificate of Aboriginality doesn't have Authentic Indigenous artefact written on it.

 Retweeted by Ebs

 

Ryan Griffen ‏@Ryan_Griffen

#itriedtobeauthenticbut a cab driver said I looked Italian and my English was too good.

 Retweeted by Ebs

 

Luke Pearson ‏@LukeLPearson

#Itriedtobeauthenticbut every year at Corroboree I just end up line-dancing by myself in a corner somewhere singing "Achy-Breaky heart"...

 Retweeted 72 times 

Gays, creepy people and creatures should not be allowed to marry according to Liberal Party Senator Bernardi

The very Christian Liberal Party Senator Cory Bernardi decided in favour of a number of rather strange ‘facts’ in his contribution to the Marriage Amendment Bill (No. 2) 2012  debate of 18 September 2012.

His own personal slippery slope has government-sanctioned same-sex marriage leading to widespread polygamy, an increase in bestiality and the formal recognition of marriage between creatures.

Highly offensive as it is to try to equate homosexuality with bestiality, it was the term creatures which set me to musing.

Wondering about the current state of conjugal relationships in the animal kingdom, I came to the only conclusion possible.

You are too late, Senator! When cats took over the Internet pictorial evidence of formal animal marriage, even inter-species unions, began to proliferate.

They have been doing it behind your conservative political back for years!

No wonder you were forced to resign from the Opposition front bench. Strong indignation from those you maligned, combined with general laughter at your absurdity, must have caused your leader more than a little heartburn at the thought of the next opinion poll.

Wedding photos from Google Images

Sales skewers Abbott - the interview video and the cartoon

First Dog on the Moon

refines the art of interview transcript

Click on cartoon to enlarge

The ABC 7.30 televised interview

BOOM, BOOM! Boson joke of the year

 

So bad it’s funny…………………

A Higgs boson walks into a church.

We don't allow Higgs bosons in here!" shouts the priest.

"But without me, how can you have mass?" asks the particle.

Australians are expected to gain 15 million kilos of body fat this winter...

 

…let me introduce you to my adipose quota.

 

Photo found at Google Images

Best Tweets of the Week

Ed West‏@edwestonline

Church of England says splitting from Europe would be a "travesty" http://t.co/TDt5dOzd 500 years too late!

Mulgabob‏@mulgabob

@TonyAbbottMHR @southwestvicdog The middle one is a Dingo cross #auspol

Dave Gaukroger‏@dfg77

I think that's a bit judgemental, especially for a school http://t.co/S9gX8a1K